Shiyun's blog

i want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken,
and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own.

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It’s when I’m sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up
that I would trade a thousand tomorrow’s for just one yesterday.

It’s when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to
that I realize you’re the only one who really knew me at all.

It’s when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me
how much I would give to hold you at that very moment.

It’s when I think about you
that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me.

Saturday, September 17, 2011,00:49

You cry, but you don't tell anyone

I’m running myself so thin. The new life I’ve painted over you is beginning to crack, and these memories of you I thought I’d forgotten have never been closer to my heart. The thought of knowing I’ve lost you for good scares me more than ever. I find your name slipping out of my mouth more often than I’d like it to. These last few days of summer have begun to look a lot like the days after you left. Take away the tears and mend me a stronger heart, I can say I survived your absence but that doesn’t mean I’m alive.

I’m an empty shell. Just merely a projection of the girl I wish I could truly be someday without you. I hide my insecurities and emotions with half-truths. All these broken hearted girls surrounding me often ask “Are you over him?”

I laugh while I shake my head, but really I just want to cry but I’ve forgotten how.

“No, I’m not.” And they frown because I’ve distorted their image of me being their shallow sliver of hope that one day they’ll come as far as this. But you will, I wanna say. I’m just the girl who runs in circles.

It’s hard to imagine my life without the best friend I’ve had for so many years.
If it makes me weaker to say I miss you, then I’ll be weak.

I miss you.

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